o my god i'm so confused...
first of all i hope evryone had a great new years and a very merry christmas...

anyway now it comes...my story
see i was in love with this guy when i was like 7 but it lasted quite long...not a relationship god now we never dated i was to young and he was 4 years older than me...
anyway so i would see him every june or july for a couple of weeks or days on our family weekends...
it's sounds weird but,see my mother's sister's husband was married before he married my mother's sister...and he had children with his first wife well that's Gert the guy i'm talking about...
confusing hey...
so he's not family at all he was just always there cause my auntie's married to his father...

it's confusing i know...
anyway but i was madly in love with him up untill i was 14 or 15...
i still like him but he never knew it and i would never tell him...altho we would hold hands while playing hide and seek and stuff but that's just nonsense.
so i never thought we would ever kiss or anything...

then about aa year ago i found out he was getting married, or he was ingaged.and that was fine i've kinda made peace with the fact that we are not meant to even see eachother...
i was in a happy relationship and he was my childhood love or whatever the fuck he was...

i was so pathetic when i was little...god if i think back..i used to wish upon evey shooting star that i could just see him or kiss him or i dunno....

but now i got older and things changed i have my own life now and my own stuff that i do...i saw him this holiday but i was very neutral with him...i said hi and chatted for a while but nothing to much very plain...

he was still very beautiful to me,but it wasn't the same cause i have a brain now...
but then i saw he looked at me in a different way to what he used to...
almost like im a woman now not just a little girl...

fuck

so new years i go to a beach in mosselbay,south africa and ther was 20 thousand people seriously it was a huge party...

and geuss out of all those freakin people who i bump into....him.

so i stood there talking to him for about 3 hours and it was all cool then i wanted to leave and go to my friends...
then he said promise you'll come back later...
so i did agh god who am i kidding i wanted to kiss him just to know what it would be like...so i went back because at that stage i wasen't speaking to my ex(who then had a new girlfriend) i was totally single...
so i went back later and we spoke it was really nice...

then the people started with the count down to new years...and he looked at me...then i just looked away/....\

anyway so we kissed and it was excatly like i thought it would be except i didn't feel the way i thought i would when it happened...\

i mean there i was kissing the guy of my dreams but i didnt even get butterfly's or anything...

it was just a great Kiss but thats it...

so later on that week we were spending alot of time together...then he told me that he really liked me and that he seriously didn't plan for this to happen but the prob is i don't think i'm in love with him...

because of the way i felt it kinda makes me wanna be in love with him but it's not there anymore...
or is it?maybe it's just an old love now because we've known eachother for that long?16years? or is it just stable for me now because i've allready been stupidly in love with him before?